There are times when you’re praying and praying and praying about things, and it just doesn’t work out. And this usually happens after 25 or so people have spoken “prophetically” to you about the situation, confirming that things will be great. They say, “Don’t worry about this, God has it.” “Everything will work out!” These are all typical comments from people. But it becomes particularly hard to deal with if things don’t work out after confirmations like this.
When it’s someone you really care about and their life is on the line, and they actually die, it can shift you spiritually. I know personally, for me, when my mom passed away, I was a kid, and only 12 years of age. My brother Mark is 18 months older than I am. So he was hit really hard by her death, too. I think we were all broken by her death in different ways. For me, this loss shifted me completely from believing in God to completely shutting Him out. At the time, I falsely blamed the Lord for this incident. I couldn’t see how a good God could allow one of the most important people in my life to leave. But what I did not know is that she was made complete (in Heaven) at that time, and she was completely healed and made whole. But as a selfish person, I wanted what was best for me – or so I thought. I didn’t know that sometimes wellness isn’t about making you, me, or her physically well, but shifting your soul into heaven, where it can be made perfect. Of course, someday a new body will be given to us all, and everything will be made right. Someday. In truth, happy endings happen, but only through Christ! But we see so much sadness and despair in this life, it’s easy to forget that God is good all the time.
Like so many other people, my mother had cancer, called Hodgkin’s disease. And I know that terminal illness should be treated seriously, but I think sometimes the doctor’s opinions are treated with too much authority. If I had known what I know now, I would have said we just needed to pray more. If I knew what I know now, I would have said forget about these doctor’s opinions that said over and over again, “she will be dead in a year.” They were just speaking curses at her. But I was so young and naïve. I didn’t really know how serious this illness was.
If I knew what I know now, I would have said forget about these doctor’s opinions that said over and over again, ‘she will be dead in a year.’ They were just speaking curses at her. But I was so young and naïve. I didn’t really know how serious this illness was.
I mean, I was very young mentally at that time, and I probably even thought cancer was contagious – I am just saying here how much I really did understand about it at the time. But I learned a very hard lesson very early on: you never really know how much time you have with someone. You think you have forever! You think friendship lasts forever. News flash, it does not. And so, like so many people (I am speaking to anyone who happens to read this, not just myself), if you know someone you really care about who’s sick or elderly, you really should take the time to call them and invest in them – NOW! You really don’t know how much time you have to be with them!
Unfortunately, for me, I missed out on a lot of time with my mom because she and my dad lived on the West Coast, in Seattle, for several years, treating the illness “with the best doctors.” But even the best doctors did not have faith in their own procedures. From this, I later learned to trust only in the Lord, because wellness in this life can be so uncertain. Unlike medical doctors, the Lord Jesus has actually raised people from the dead. So much hope! So, you see, I emerged from childhood with the deep-seated concern that medicine won’t heal you. I also, unfortunately, felt that Jesus wouldn’t either (at that time). It was only until I grew up even more at a much later age, and finally had the scales removed from my eyes, that I could see again that yes, He is God and yes, He loves us all more than we can imagine. I also had to shed my childlike thinking of, “when I was a child, I thought like a child,” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Then, and only then, could I understand the lack of understanding that I had about Jesus. I really had an incomplete understanding of God the Father, Jesus the Savior of the world, and the Holy Spirit. I did not know they were very good. It wasn’t something I knew from the vantage point of being a child. It was only when I grew up to understand that we live in a fallen world that I could see beyond the hurt and loss of this world to see the Lord Jesus for who He is and how He still saves, heals, and loves us! But you can only know a limited amount as a child. And I, too, thought like CS Lewis. I also, at the time, believed that God was a “cosmic vivisector” because I had a naïve understanding of the Lord (Lewis, 2001). I did not understand that thinking false things about God and placing these attributes on Him is creating a false God.
Only until I was saved (and only by God’s grace) did I grow up to fully understand the larger, more interesting plan that God was working out in my life. The events that took place in 1994 were not of my choosing. Losing my mom was horrible. Seeing a coroner at my house was a worse sight than seeing death itself. Mothers are, as we can all agree, a genuine source of love and inspiration in children.
God used death to fully restore my mother. To make her complete and well. To bring her into His perfection. A perfection we do not see as complete here in this fallen world. So, God made her well, and He also brought a wonderful new family into my life. Many people do not get to have a stepfamily that deeply cares for them. I was very fortunate to acquire a new mother who deeply cared for me, a fantastic step-grandmother who treated me as her own grandson, and additional siblings whom I am quite fond of, although I must admit I don’t reach out to them nearly enough. Not everyone has that opportunity! I am mindful of that! But God had a plan, and until I began to see His plan as the premier, best choice in an unambiguously fallen and broken world, I would never have appreciated God and all He has done and continues to do in my life to bring wholeness, health, and well-being!
References:
Lewis, C. S. (2001). Grief observed. Zondervan.